Children named Apple and Moses Martin cannot pull up to school in, say, a station wagon or a Range Rover. No, they need a more Goop-esque mode of transport. Gwyneth Paltrow has gotten into the very Gwyneth Paltrow habit of “whisking” her children to and from their L.A. prep school on the back of a shiny Vespa — as if they were taking a trip around the family compound in Italy. But now, according to The Hollywood Reporter, the school has decided to outlaw Paltrow’s Vespa on the grounds of “safety concerns.” (Totally justified since she almost collided with a school bus that one time.) Somewhere Apple breathes a sigh of relief, thanks her school for putting a stop to the charade, and digs into her secret stash of gluten-covered, high-fructose-corn-syrup snacks.