Remember that 2006 book The Secret, the New Age self-help guide to harnessing the law of attraction or just thinking about something reeeeeally hard until it appeared out of thin air? Oprah endorsed it, the book sold 19 million copies, and for a while it was trendy for people to wander around chanting thoughts like “one true love,” “finding inner peace and happiness,” and “free-pizza day” silently to themselves, while waiting, passively, for the day that these things would manifest.
In a bizarre essay in The New York Times Magazine, writer Joanna Klimkiewicz revealed that while the rest of the New Age acolytes were hoping for love everlasting and a robust bank account, she was wandering around thinking “Chris-ty Tur-ling-ton. Chris-ty Tur-ling-ton.” That’s right, there is a person in the world who harnessed positive thinking to bring a semi-retired supermodel into her life.
At first it was just a test run, to see if “the secret” would even work, but then Klimkiewicz really went for it: hanging little photos of Turlington around her apartment and thinking nice things about her “social activism and shiny hair.”
Did the magic work? Well, after mistakenly secreting herself a dream husband and a great new apartment in downtown Manhattan (whoops!), she finally, at long last, secreted Christy Turlington into her life after joining a very expensive yoga studio where Turlington also went.
There you have it, Oprah
was is always right. If you think it, and then spend money to do yoga in a fancy celeb-bait yoga studio, you, too, can successfully harness the powers of the universe. Do we need more proof that this works? (Free-pizza day, free-pizza day, free-pizza day.)