dubious cleanses

Three Witches in a Walmart Parking Lot Offer to Cleanse Souls

An innocent mortal man in Santa Fe, New Mexico was reportedly approached by three “witches” in a parking lot outside of a Walmart, which is indeed where witches like to hang out. The three sorceresses glimpsed a shadow of malaise upon him, as such shadows waft through Walmart parking lots, and they warned the man that a dark spirit was following him.

They could cleanse this spirit from him for only a small fee.

And so the man followed the enchantresses to their white van — a gleaming pale caravan, just like witches famously drive. Within this magic minivan, the witches told the sad man that his worldly wealth was the root of his problems; but, happily, they could banish his spiritual darkness by relieving him of the cursed, burdensome wealth.

The man gave them gold jewelry and even marched back into Walmart to cash a check for $500, which he gave to the witches.

But the darkness set back upon the soul of the man, and this time, he went to the police. The authorities found the women in a Motel 6, where they said they had none of this man’s cursed money, though they did have his jewelry, which they reported had been given to them willingly. The police returned the jinxed jewelry to the man, but could not catch the witches on any charge, for they had not technically committed a crime. The enchantresses three were protected by magical and mortal law alike in this season of the witch, fall 2013.

Witches Lurking at Walmart Offer Soul-Cleansing