Here’s Kim Kardashian’s ‘Jubilant,’ Frolicking Post-Baby Reveal

US Weekly’s cover this week boasts a totally casual, not staged shot of Kim Kardashian on the beach along with the headline “MY BODY IS BACK!” Another totally anonymous source (because Kardashian would be soooo embarrassed if someone revealed the secrets to her post-baby body!) also told the magazine that the secret to her weight loss was drinking the blood of virgins specially provided by the Illuminati. Just kidding. It was squats, a lot of them — 100 a day, to be exact. That, in conjunction, with other duh things, like doing the Atkins diet and bringing a personal trainer and chef on the road with her. Snooze, snooze. US Weekly’s cover also declares that Kardashian is gleeful with “sweet revenge” from the bullies that taunted her weight gain during pregnancy. Yes, she looks good. But is it “sweet revenge” to lose normal pregnancy weight gain really rapidly? Is it real vindication to give the fat-shamers just what they want — triumphant weight loss, paraded on a national tabloid? Let them eat cake, Kim Antoinette.

Kim Kardashian’s ‘Jubilant,’ Post-Baby Reveal