When denim brands started adding a magical, stretchy, more forgiving fabric called spandex to their jeans in the nineties, the world rejoiced. Now butts could be flaunted more magnificently, legs could move more freely, and muffin tops would be less pronounced. In other words, we were saved. But not so, says Jerry Rudd, managing director of global sourcing for Crane, the company that supplies the paper for America’s dollar bills. Apparently, denim scraps were part of the recycled materials Crane used to create the paper that our money is printed on, and spandex, instead of making George Washington look sexier, contaminated the cotton blend.
Since approximately 30 percent of the cotton Crane used was sourced from leftover denim and people were not giving up their currency-killing, spandex-blend skinny jeans, the company was forced to stop printing money and go into the jeggings business instead. Just kidding. Crane had to abandon its denim-recycling ways and buy the natural cotton fiber pure to keep our money safe. Stretchy pants: 1, George Washington: 0.