crimes of passion

Cormac McCarthy’s Ex-Wife and the Vagina Holster

Photo: Santa Fe County Jail

One Jenny McCarthy (not this Jenny McCarthy, but rather, the ex-wife of Pulitzer Prize-winning writer Cormac McCarthy) has been arrested on charges of aggravated assault following a “domestic dispute over space aliens,” during which she allegedly “pointed a silver handgun at her boyfriend,” the silver handgun being “a weapon she retrieved from her vagina.” So reports The Smoking Gun.

Just stay with that sentence for a minute: “Space Aliens.” “Handgun.” From her vagina.” “Cormac McCarthy.” Best Mad Libs sequence ever? Oh no, that actually happened.

According to police reports, this Jenny McCarthy, a New Mexico painter and sculptor who creates “outsider art” (is it still outsider art if the artist herself says so?), got into a non-specific argument about space aliens. It quickly became heated, as conversations about space aliens tend to — though McCarthy’s art appears to be heavily influenced by alien life, so the passion was, at least, not misplaced.

During the exchange, McCarthy went into her bedroom and emerged wearing lingerie. Her boyfriend probably thought, Oh, great! Reconciliation sex time? Sorry for being skeptical of your out-of-body experience, hon, until McCarthy pulled a Smith & Wesson out of her vagina, proceeded to “have inner course [sic] with the gun” while asking her boyfriend, “Who is crazy, you or me?”

Reports do not reveal if he responded to the question or not, but regardless, McCarthy pointed her gun/sex toy directly at his head.

Fearing for his life (but also probably a little impressed by the power of her pelvic-floor muscles), McCarthy’s boyfriend grabbed the gun, dropped it in the toilet for safekeeping, realized the toilet wasn’t safe enough, and so removed it from the toilet and threw it in the trash can. When cops showed up, they hauled McCarthy off to county jail. She posted bail the next day.

What a delightfully bizarre tale of love and violence and extraterrestrial passion in the New Mexico desert. Somewhere, Cormac McCarthy, who divorced Jenny in 2006, sits humbled because (Blood Meridian aside) there is no way he could have made up anything better than this.

Cormac McCarthy’s Ex-Wife and the Vagina Holster