A genius for our time — a guru who comprehends who we are and what we want and how we love — looks to people’s refrigerators to determine whether they will make a compatible romantic pair. As reported by the Daily Mail, John Stonehill calls himself a “refrigerator dating expert.” Stonehill says that he had long been investigating the fridges of prospective hookups and girlfriends and found that fridge-snooping is an excellent way to gain insight. He started a website called CheckTheirFridge.com and provides analysis for curious daters about what sort of soul they have met, according to their condiments, booze, and leftovers.
There are metaphors aplenty. An empty fridge means this chick might not be serious about bringing someone into her life. Half-finished jars of the same item mean this dude is a scatter brain who can’t finish things he starts. And of course:
When you see a fridge and it’s really messy, then I say — chaos in one’s fridge equals chaos in one’s life.
Stonehill reports that fridge contents tell a great deal about income, health, lifestyle, and cleanliness; which is all perfectly logical, because the items in your fridge are what you buy, eat, and store. But really it’s all about mustard brands. Gotta get hooked up with a grainy-loving honey, right? Of course you do. Don’t settle; you don’t ever have to settle.