divorce the goop way

The Handy Goop-Guide to Getting Over Sorrow

Photo: Photos: Jeff Schear/Getty Images; Shutterstock.com

In times of crushing despair, we often turn to Goop to show us the way. Like a luxury lighthouse, Goop-esque products help us navigate through our sea of sadness without resorting to whiskey, fat pants, or gluten. To aid us through these days of conscious uncoupling, we’ve mined the archives of the site to bring you the ultimate Goop Guide to Getting Over Sorrow. (Warning: It’s pricey.)

Make: While enduring heartbreak, the body craves soul-enriching nutrition. With the Goop-approved cleanse from iZO, reach clarity through starvation. Or, if you’re feeling really down for a comfort-food-laden meal, try all the Warm Walnut Lentil Pate you want, a hearty helping of Raw Pad Thai and some Thai Strawberry Soup for dessert. Pair the indulgent treats with a bottle of Goop-favorite wine from Four Graces and a single cigarette. (Make up for it with the iZO cleanse next week).

Go: While Santa Barbara or the Bahamas are the ideal Goop-approved places to take a post-uncoupling vacation, sometimes, a solo bed-cation is all you need. Start with indulging in Ila’s line of chakra-opening, luxury beauty products like a soaking in the Inner Peace Bath salts ($85) while listening to a Heart of the Earth CD. End your night by sobbing between 100 percent eco-friendly, soft crushed-linen sheets from Volga Linen ($165/sheet), while hugging your Goop x Peter Dunham Kashmir paisley pillow ($315).

Get: These Goop-approved comfort clothes will feel like an expensive hug. The Goop x Beyond Yoga exclusive side-panel leggings ($99) will accentuate your Tracy Anderson–toned figure (should you chose to leave the house) and, paired with a Goop x Matthew Williamson crystal-embellished sweatshirt ($845), you’ll look so radiant nobody would even suspect you almost ate dairy out of grief.

Do: Release endorphins and avoid sad, sad weight gain by doing Tracy Anderson’s  15-minute workout. She’ll save you from long-butt and heartbreak in just a few easy moves a day. Also, try a Moon Juice cleanse and a heartbreak massage from In Motion. (They make house calls.)

Be: Conscious. Journal your feelings, thoughts, fears, and lyrics using this customizable leather notebook from Iomoi for Goop ($125). You can personalize the cover with four meaningful letters like, say, G-O-O-P.

Feeling better? Time to wash those tears away with a Tammy Fender travel treatment kit ($150), and remember: “We have all been there, and as bad as it is, suffering is never in vain if you find what it’s there to teach.”

The Handy Goop-Guide to Getting Over Sorrow