dating advice

Princeton Mom: Seamless Is Making You Single

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Women of New York, if you’re wondering why you’re single, Susan Patton, a.k.a. Princeton Mom, can tell you why. In addition to your smarts and ambition getting in the way, you “wear too much black,” “spend too much time with your gay best friend,” and order Too. Much. Seamless. In an interview with the New York Post, she explains:

“But Seamless, FreshDirect and Netflix are making you lazy and, if Chinese is your takeout of choice, fat. Everybody works hard, and at the end of a long day it’s great to order in tapas and binge on a ‘House of Cards’ marathon, says Patton. But you won’t meet anybody new in your studio walk-up. So, slip off the Slanket and get out into the world.”

Patton argues that you won’t have any chance encounters if you’re lampooned on Couch Island, fresh off the SS Sweat Pants. Is she suggesting I choose between Seamless and my Slanket, and sex? Don’t make me answer that. 

Princeton Mom: Seamless Is Making You Single