On the eve of his wedding, Joffrey Baratheon, tyrant boy-king and all-around worst, received a brand-new powerful sword with which to thrust into his enemies (the Freudian symbolism of that is not lost on us, folks). He looked so happy as he gleefully destroyed some shit because he’s a boy and he can. After showing how well he can shred some decent reading with his big, sharp toy, the king turns to his fearful subjects and asks: “Such a great sword should have a name. What should I call it?”
“Widow’s Wail,” one of them shouts back.
“Widow’s Wail. I like that,” he says.
Oh Joffrey, you have no idea what you so poetically foreshadow, fallen friend. In honor of the bug-eyed death of one of the most purely despicable characters in GOT history, Joffrey and Widow’s Wail are our Couple of the Week.
Who They Are: Joffrey is the ultimate teen tyrant, the “rightful” king of the Seven Kingdoms and an all-around horror show of a human. Widow’s Wail is his aptly named sword, a wedding gift from his grandfather, Tywin Lannister, forged from the very finest Valyrian steel.
Why They Rule: Last night’s episode might have been about the union of Joffrey and Margaery Tyrell, but we all know this is not a marriage of mutual love — his sociopathic brain cannot actually comprehend love for a female human. But the cold, hard glittering steel of a powerful sword? The only match for a sadistic little prick like him. Have you ever seen the boy-king so happy as when he swung that instrument of death, needlessly whacking a banquet table while reminding poor Sansa how her brother was beheaded? At least we can all relish the fact that he knew true love before he horrifically choked to death on the day of his wedding. At least we have that. (And the fact that he’s dead. )
Best Couple Moment: pigeon pie!