game of thrones and of hearts

American Ding-Dongs at Tea Time: I Wanna Marry Harry, Episode 2

Photo: Chris Raphael/FOX

Kimberly, 23, wakes up one morning and she isn’t sure that this man really is Prince Harry. She is one of the 11 inquisitive bachelorettes who were shuttled off to an English castle to date a man who looks like Prince Harry for a provocative docudrama on facial recognition called I Wanna Marry Harry.

The redhead civilian Matt Hicks continues his quest for potential future maidens to fool. His way of displaying affection is to assign these women to sleep in the Crown Suite. It’s a coral chamber, decorated with aggressive florals and moldy-cupcake-looking drapes. “This is what it looks like,” is the nicest thing the first guest can think to say about the room. Civilian Matt seems to be allowed to creep in whenever he pleases. He barges into the Creepy Crappy Crown Suite while the first guest, Rose, brushes her teeth. This behavior helps to confirm to her that this man must be “some sort of Royal on the Royal chain.” 

Undeterred by his intrusion, Rose kisses him in shallow open water on their first date and yells, “I WENT FOR IT.” She makes fun of his pasty skin and then says, “This could not be more romantic. I can’t believe I’m living in this fairy tale.” 

Meanwhile, the rest of the American coterie is getting culture shock by playing croquet and cricket. One flings an imaginary lasso around her head when she succeeds. The others are acquiring skills at determining who is princess material. The lasso-swinging woman might not be princess material, but she is wise. For example, she says of Civilian Matt: “We have to be a bunch of American ding-dongs to not know who this guy is.” 

Civilian Matt — who participated in this show for the clothes, let that be known — must narrow the options once again after the Formal Dinner. At this Formal Dinner, women wear pearls and hoop earrings larger than their dessert plates. A mixed bag as usual, these American women. 

While waiting for Civilian Matt’s choices, the women are concerned. “I love you,” the girls whisper to no one in particular, it seems, but also to everyone. The woman selected to sleep in the Crappy Creepy Crown Suite opens a standing wardrobe and gasps with ecstasy at the sight of two folded towels and bathrobe hanging on a hanger. The woman who is booted, she of dessert-plate-sized earrings, gurgles, “He’s not my type.” So all seems well on her end. 

Your new favorite character in all of television? A duck in a pond, who appears just for a moment in the introduction. Next week, the coming-attractions clip promises us that someone will bonk her head on the side of a rowboat. The duck’s involvement or complicity was neither indicated nor denied. 

I Wanna Marry Harry Episode 2 Recap