New Report: Teenagers Are So Well Behaved We Don’t Recognize Them Anymore

You know what exemplary group should be on a cheerful PSA for teenagers? Regular old teenagers. They’re behaving so exceptionally now that we can hardly recognize them. Vox reports that teens today are the best-behaved generation on record.”

Vox’s Sarah Kliff did some heavy sifting through the Centers for Disease Control’s “monster” report, which seems like a 511-page college recommendation letter for this generation. High-school seniors are smoking less, drinking less, and “barely using cocaine.” They’ve cooled it on the unprotected sex. Instead, teens today are filling their time with exercise and gentle jokes and smiling soberly.

So who will cough around cigarettes in bathroom stalls? Who will lean — with feeling! — against the cracking wall of the old gym? Will the nation recruit thirtysomethings for this job? Teens, you’re really putting your nation in a bind.

This Generation of Teens: Best Behaved on Record