Man-child Tries to Understand Beyoncé

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In an interview with Z100’s “Morning Show,” musician Ed Sheeran came up with a wild answer to the question of why women love Beyoncé so much.

His theory, cribbed straight from The X-Files:

Beyoncé controls all women. Beyoncé owns women around the world. Beyoncé just has this thing, women want to be her. They want to think like her. They want to do the things that she does.

No, really though. He even has proof! He’s even borne witness to a group of women-cyborgs receiving their Beyoncé brainwash:

I had a house party the day that it dropped — and I didn’t know it was dropping, obviously all the women did — and all of the women locked themselves in a room with big speakers and listened to the album all the way through. There were about 16 of them. And the guys were just there drinking beer, playing pool; we just didn’t know what was going on, so we went in and they were just there [singing] ‘Drunk in Love’!

What Sheeran doesn’t address is what all members of the Bey-hive look like when they shed their skin husks:

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Man-child Tries to Understand Beyoncé