Summer is a season for guilty pleasures and trashy TV, and as such, I’ve tried a few times this summer to get into the current season of The Bachelorette. But it just didn’t take. Andi Dorfman seems like a smart, no-nonsense, real-life gal, but not a particularly compelling television character. And it’s apparently not just me, as Dorfman’s season is the series’ lowest rated ever.
Now a psychotherapist has a theory on exactly why Dorfman makes for a meh romantic lead: She’s just too darn together. More specifically, writes Erica Djossa at Science of Relationships, her behavior on the show has been a pitch-perfect example of what psychologists call a secure attachment style. In other words, she’s confident, trusting, and while she’s not at all needy, she also doesn’t seem to fear intimacy.
If we take a moment to compare Andi to this description of a secure individual, the shoe fits fairly well. She is genuinely concerned about the guys she is dating, and she makes sure not to play games and string them along. When she knows that there is no future, she is upfront and open about it. She takes a realistic approach to dating, which may come off as a bit guarded or skeptical, but demonstrates healthy boundaries. She doesn’t get caught up in her hopes and desires, but constantly tries to see how each relationship would fit into her real life. Overall, her behaviour and reactions have demonstrated a fairly secure approach to relationships.
There are two other kinds of attachment styles, neither of which entail traits worth aspiring to: anxious-ambivalent (in a word: needy) and avoidant (keeping-their-distance types). Securely attached people, unsurprisingly, tend to have the best relationships, research has shown. All of which is great for Dorfman, though perhaps a bit worrisome for those of us who are apparently repelled when reality TV shows us a healthy approach to dating, for once.