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the fug girls
August 25, 2014

The Best, Worst, and Most Improved at the 2014 Emmys

By The Fug Girls

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Photo: Getty Images

The Emmys red carpet did not catch fire without Ryan Seacrest — which is disappointing in a way, because we might’ve gotten a better look at a wider swath of gowns if their cameras caught everyone running around screaming. If you spent your Monday night stuck at work or find yourself hankering for Emmy fashion shenanigans not deemed worthy of the E! cameras — somehow they only glancingly featured Michelle Dockery; Lady Mary would not stand for that — we’ve winnowed the guest list down to the notables. (Spoiler: Thank you, Gwen Stefani, for joining The Voice so we can get you on TV sometime other than the VMAs.)

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The Best, Worst, and Most Overdone at the VMAs
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Best Statement: Lizzy Caplan The last two days have been the yin and yang of Donna Karan. Rita Ora’s red number from Sunday’s VMAs came across po... Best Statement: Lizzy Caplan The last two days have been the yin and yang of Donna Karan. Rita Ora’s red number from Sunday’s VMAs came across poorly draped and bizarrely drab, but this Donna Karan Atelier on Lizzy Caplan is dazzling. The fit is impeccable, the cut is flattering, and the styling — including the perfect bracelet — is resplendent. We should start calling these Thesaurus Dresses, because we’re running out of adjectives but still want to keep talking. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Steve Granitz
Most Vexing Hair Situation: The Mad Men Folks We liked the clothes just fine — in January Jones’s case, more effusively than that —&nb... Most Vexing Hair Situation: The Mad Men Folks We liked the clothes just fine — in January Jones’s case, more effusively than that — but they were so underwhelmingly crowned. Jones’s spiky, knifelike bangs were glistening with spackle. Christina Hendricks’s red locks clung lifelessly to her head, in the inverse of the way her dress hugged her body, and ... okay, fine, we don’t hate Hamm’s beard, but we’re having Don Draper withdrawal. Is it so much to ask that he could shave and look scorchingly into camera? And maybe say our names? Is it? IS IT? (Sorry, it’s been a long week already. Sometimes a girl needs some honey-roast Hamm.) Photo: Getty Images
Most Tired of her Branding: Zooey Deschanel Granted, this transition may have been happening for a while, and we just didn’t notice. But the lack... Most Tired of her Branding: Zooey Deschanel Granted, this transition may have been happening for a while, and we just didn’t notice. But the lack of curtain bangs and her sleepy neon column says nothing to us so much as, “Fuck that adorkable shit.” Photo: Getty Images/2014 Steve Granitz
  Saddest Torso: Lena Dunham The skirt is so explosively twee that we might love it — or at least want to get to know it better and see...   Saddest Torso: Lena Dunham The skirt is so explosively twee that we might love it — or at least want to get to know it better and see if we share opinions on the important things, like the hideousness of white football pants and the importance of sandwiches — but seriously, we have never yearned for a simple tank top on the red carpet so much in our lives. Lena, just let us love you. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Getty Images
Closest To Fulfilling Her Destiny: Katherine Heigl Our theory with this one is that she’s been killing time for the past five or six years, waiti... Closest To Fulfilling Her Destiny: Katherine Heigl Our theory with this one is that she’s been killing time for the past five or six years, waiting to be 47, and once she gets there, she will visually remain that age forever. This nightie does absolutely nothing to convince us otherwise. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Getty Images
Best Pattern: Julie Bowen Julie told E! that she loved this and was therefore pretty sure she’d get crucified for it. Well, guess what? We have l... Best Pattern: Julie Bowen Julie told E! that she loved this and was therefore pretty sure she’d get crucified for it. Well, guess what? We have laid down our hammers and nails for now, because you look stunning and slinky and, frankly, like a total standout. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Steve Granitz
Best Rookie: Allison Tolman Tolman went from an unknown to an Emmy nominee at what felt like light speed, and we love that she hit the red carpet... Best Rookie: Allison Tolman Tolman went from an unknown to an Emmy nominee at what felt like light speed, and we love that she hit the red carpet in a big ol’ ball-gown skirt in a fetching shade of forest green. It’s refreshing to see someone who looks like she thought exactly what we would, namely, “I can’t believe this is happening! Might as well go big.” Photo: Getty Images/2014 Getty Images
Most Likely To Be Life Imitating Art: Taissa Farmiga She played a witch on American Horror Story: Coven, and her dress looks like half of it was ... Most Likely To Be Life Imitating Art: Taissa Farmiga She played a witch on American Horror Story: Coven, and her dress looks like half of it was hexed by one. Synergy! Photo: Getty Images/2014 Steve Granitz
Most Pleasant Surprise: Heidi Klum This was a delicious change of pace for both Heidi and Zac Posen, who designed it. For once, she managed to re... Most Pleasant Surprise: Heidi Klum This was a delicious change of pace for both Heidi and Zac Posen, who designed it. For once, she managed to resist the urge to show off her waxer's handiwork, and he didn't go full ball gown. These two crazy kids just might be good for each other. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Steve Granitz
Most Surprising Deployment of Table Linens: Michelle Dockery Real talk: This is Sad-Lady-Mary hair on Michelle, and that dress is the outcome of ... Most Surprising Deployment of Table Linens: Michelle Dockery Real talk: This is Sad-Lady-Mary hair on Michelle, and that dress is the outcome of a Project Runway challenge that took place in a Bed, Bath and Beyond. That being said, it's totally the winning dress in said challenge, and she will never be at a loss for something to wipe her hands on, so … things could be worse. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Christopher Polk/NBC
Most Improved: Julia Roberts Do we need to remind you that, during the last awards season, Julia Roberts wore a tube dress over an oxford shirt, ... Most Improved: Julia Roberts Do we need to remind you that, during the last awards season, Julia Roberts wore a tube dress over an oxford shirt, and a jumpsuit with two crotches? This Elie Saab is charming to begin with, but in comparison, it's a miracle. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Jason LaVeris
The We Wish This Were Better Award: Kerry Washington Olivia Pope looks so stellar from the neck up that we can't help but wish Prada would stop s... The We Wish This Were Better Award: Kerry Washington Olivia Pope looks so stellar from the neck up that we can't help but wish Prada would stop sticking her in dresses that feel like rough drafts. Give her the polished, final version! Photo: Getty Images/2014 Jason LaVeris
Most Fun: Teyonah Parris Mad Men's Parris's bright, sunny dress brings the drama while still being vivacious — an incredibly difficult line ... Most Fun: Teyonah Parris Mad Men's Parris's bright, sunny dress brings the drama while still being vivacious — an incredibly difficult line to walk without falling onto the chasm on either side. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Steve Granitz
Deadliest: Sarah Paulson In case you ever wondered what a walking homicide would look like, Sarah Paulson gives you this interpretation. Photo: ... Deadliest: Sarah Paulson In case you ever wondered what a walking homicide would look like, Sarah Paulson gives you this interpretation. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Getty Images
Best Lena: Lena Headey Everything about Queen Cersei’s dress should make us feel unsettled and as if we're listing to the left, and yet it's so c... Best Lena: Lena Headey Everything about Queen Cersei’s dress should make us feel unsettled and as if we're listing to the left, and yet it's so completely right: elegantly off-kilter and totally cool. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Getty Images
Coolest: Gwen Stefani Gwen told Giuliana Rancic that she was channeling Donatella Versace in this, but honestly, Donatella should be so lucky. P... Coolest: Gwen Stefani Gwen told Giuliana Rancic that she was channeling Donatella Versace in this, but honestly, Donatella should be so lucky. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Christopher Polk/NBC
The One We Want to Be When We Grow Up: Julia Louis-Dreyfus The erstwhile Elaine has it all: several Emmys, great hair, an amazing body, this fabu... The One We Want to Be When We Grow Up: Julia Louis-Dreyfus The erstwhile Elaine has it all: several Emmys, great hair, an amazing body, this fabulous Carolina Herrera dress, a really good clutch, and a great bracelet. Oh, and she got in a good make-out sesh, too, with another beloved erstwhile (one Walter White). It's really kind of unfair. Photo: Getty Images/2014 Getty Images
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Tags:

  • fug girls
  • emmys
  • emmys 2014
  • lizzy caplan
  • red carpets
  • mad men
  • john hamm
  • christina hendricks
  • january jones
  • zooey deschanel
  • lena dunham
  • katherine heigl
  • julie bowen
  • alison tolman
  • taissa farmiga
  • heidi klum
  • michelle dockery
  • julia roberts
  • kerry washington
  • teyonah parris
  • sarah paulson
  • lena headey
  • gwen stefani
  • julia louis-dreyfus
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