dong watch

Jamie Dornan Will Not Show Penis in Fifty Shades of Grey

Photo: Mike Marsland/Getty Images

Let’s just be real about why we’re going to see Fifty Shades of Grey — it’s not the enduring love story, or the snappy dialogue, or the philosophical commentary on modern love — it’s the sex. The gratuitous BDSM sex that has titillated book clubs the world over.

It seems so far, the best thing about this movie is the trailer. There have already been reports of “chemistry-less” sex scenes, but after this Guardian interview with Jamie Dornan, perhaps it’s time to reconsider lining up for that midnight showing.

“You want to appeal to as wide an audience as possible without grossing them out. You don’t want to make something gratuitous, and ugly, and graphic.”

So no sex then? “Sam is a very bright woman, so there might be some suggestive elements to it, but I haven’t seen it at this stage, so it is hard for me to say. I’m aware of what we shot, and it wasn’t as if we shot a film without any action.”

Was he completely in the nude? “There were contracts in place that said that viewers wouldn’t be seeing my, um …”

Todger? He laughs. “Yeah, my todger.”

No todger? No todger? “Suggestive elements”? What is this, a PG-13 movie for nuns?  Thanks for raining all over our sex parade.

Jamie Dornan Will Not Show Penis in Fifty Shades