Two nights ago, Nicki Minaj told Andy Cohen that she does not want to hook up with Drake, a proposition Drake has floated many times, most recently in “Only,” a single from Minaj’s The Pinkprint. The album came out this week and has been largely described as a breakup album. This morning, the Cut discussed the implications of Drake’s public, maybe-joking courtship campaign.
Allison Davis: Nicki is never gonna hook up with Drake.
Kat Stoeffel: Never say never, Nicki! Saying you will never hook up with someone basically guarantees you will hook up with them.
Molly Fischer: Yes, it is a way of announcing that you think of that person as someone to hook up with.
Allison: HE BOUGHT HER SNACKS.
Kat: LOL. “All you gotta do is want it, girl. You want the Nutella dip sticks?”
Ella Cerón: This could be us but this really could be us, Drake.
Allison: I just feel like Drake is working so hard. Can we summarize all the ways Drake has been trying to woo Nicki?
Kat: Well, he rapped about wanting to marry her like five years ago.
Kat: Then there was the “Anaconda” video, where Drake let Nicki use him in her ironically misandrist interpretation of a video vixen.
Maggie Lange: GOOD PIC.
Maggie: His balls are so blue they light the room.
Kat: Actually, the only reason E! is asking Nicki about hooking up with Drake is because her current single, “Only,” is about how she’s never had sex with Drake or Lil Wayne, even though, as they go on to rap, they both want to.
Kat: Lindsey Weber pointed out that “Only” is a little silly. Like, it’s okay for men and women to be platonic friends. Especially when, as in Wayne’s case, you’re kind of her boss.
Kat: I also found Wayne’s thirst gross. But I’ll admit I found Drake’s display of unrequited desire kind of adorable …
Kat: Unrequited Male Thirst: Repulsive or charming?
Molly: “Repulsive or charming?” — good binary.
Kat: Seriously, can someone explain why Drake’s is romantic and Wayne’s is icky?
Molly: Gentlemanly thirst.
Kat: Thirst best practices?
Ella: I mean, his verse is much more gentlemanly than Wayne’s.
Ella: Drake’s thirst is on Nicki’s terms, on her turf, in HER Maybach, and he’s been waiting first in line. I mean it’s basically a rap-game version of Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me.” It’s like, Oh, okay, she’s still the one calling the shots. Because you know Nicki likes to call the shots.
Kat: Hence the dominatrix video.
Ella: Meanwhile, Wayne challenges Nicki’s whole persona of shot-calling.
Molly: Yes, Wayne implies Nicki doesn’t even know what she wants. “She acts like she needs dick in her life.”
Kat: Actually, Wayne, you need the generosity of a woman to even get a verse out.
Ella: Wayne devotes four lines to Nicki and goes on to talk about himself. He’s like, “YOU GAVE ME THE MIKE AND IMMA RUN WITH IT BECAUSE THE LABEL I OWN WON’T PUT MY ALBUM OUT.”
Kat: I also like that Drake says he just wants to know if they’re hooking up so he can “plan for it.”
Kat: And because of this MTO rumor, I obviously took “plan” to mean cleaning his butt.
Molly: Clean butt and snacks say love.
Allison: Oh my God, Molly, you said it all.
Allison: That is all there is to life. A clean-butt and snack-giving kind of love.
Ella: It’s also notable that when Nicki opens the song it’s not “They fucked me,” but rather, “I would let them toss my salad like their name’s Romaine.” And “If I did, I’d ménage with them and let them eat my ass like a cupcake.”
Kat: Yessss. The elusive MFM threesome.
Leah Rodriguez: I got into several arguments with dudes about this song over the course of this week.
Kat: Say more!
Leah: Initially, I was disturbed. Drake’s always saying it’s platonic and Nicki’s like a sister to him. So, like, why is he talking about hypothetically fucking his “sister”?
Leah: But now I feel like maybe it is empowering for her, because it’s testing how low they’ll stoop, after claiming to be the industry guys who stand behind her as an artist and not as a piece.
Kat: Yeah, maybe there’s something female and submissive about Drake’s desperation. But there is also a way that people defer actual desires by pretending they’re a joke. And in the meantime, Nicki and Drake are both profiting off the joke, Drake for his sensitive-bro persona, Nicki for her gleeful vision of female supremacy.
Kat: Do you think if Nicki were like, “Okay, I’m down,” Drake would even be up to it?
Allison: I do not.
Ella: Not in the least.
Allison: We’ve seen this game before. When a woman finally gives in, men are like, “AY HOLD UP I WASN’T TRYING TO START A RELATIONSHIP.”