We’re now three episodes into this season of The Bachelor — and it appears that Chris Soules is trying to break some kind of record for most spit swapped on a reality-television program. Why all the make-outs, Soules? Why do you subject us to soft-core porn montages featuring your disturbingly pert man-boob and tireless swirling tongue? Did you not get enough love as a child? Are you aware of how boring you are and have chosen to fill the silence between sentences with slurps and moans? No, he tells E! News, it’s because he’s trying to find a wife:
“I went into this wanting to meet my wife. I took that really seriously. And part of being in a relationship with someone is kissing, you know, for me anyway. And for me to truly find out if we have that chemistry or things are there, I wanted to live in every moment, and take each individual relationship really seriously. And wear my heart on my sleeve and not hold back. And part of that is kissing and being in the moment. I don’t regret that.”
Ah, so his blatant disregard for hygiene is actually heroic. Either way, watch this video of Chris hard at work on the wife hunt. It’s almost too gross to watch … almost.