Bradley Cooper is on the cover of W’s January Movie Issue looking just fantastically weird in these amazing Tim Walker images — like a peculiar mash-up of Marcel Marceau, A Clockwork Orange, the emcee from Cabaret, and David Bowie, with a dash of that zesty white-suit confidence best demonstrated by Celine Dion’s 1999 John Galliano for Christian Dior suit. But for all the drama and intrigue of these photos, I honestly can’t help but be distracted by Cooper’s teeny-tiny nipples, which look even smaller in a suspender suit for some reason. They’re so tiny, no? Just wee lil’ guys bobbing in a vast ocean of hairless chest. It’s like they are shrinking off his torso, perhaps suggesting he’s in the early stages of the mysterious Nippleless Rolling Stone disorder that seems to be plaguing so many at the moment.