It shouldn’t have been so boring, and yet, truly, it was. The news came in as though on a wave of Benadryl administered before a lecture on calculus in a warm room. There were reports that a pair of people had been going to the gym together and holding coffees together and referring to their status as “just hanging out.” It was May 2014 and anything seemed possible. You shrugged and forgot.
Then they spent a national holiday together. Then one of them used the L-word (lucky). But you didn’t care; your brain didn’t care; your mind couldn’t and wouldn’t accept it or remember it or even consider it. And your mind is usually very good at entertaining this sort of thing, so that’s really saying something.
But now, formerly unencumbered minds, you have something to reckon with and you have hours left to do so. Tonight — January 5, 2014, 7:30 p.m. PST — a pair of people named Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden will reportedly bind their beings together in a marriage ceremony that involves holding drinks.
So here it is, with hours left to spare: an admission that Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden are an Official Celebrity Couple.