Leonardo DiCaprio — the poster man-child of virility, vitality, and aggressive enjoyment of summer — has fallen victim to the same winter doldrums that plague us all. According to “Page Six,” a shell of the former Leo was spotted in Miami, enduring a sushi dinner. A witness describes him as “coughing, sneezing, bundled up and wearing a hoodie.” While others, their zest for life still in tact, “devoured sushi,” Leo only sipped green tea.
A stark contrast to the last time Leo was spotted in Miami, rolling 20-women deep, possibly headed for a weird orgy. Where are those many women in your hour of need, Leo? In your goddamned hour of need?