• Intelligencer
  • The Cut
  • Vulture
  • The Strategist
  • Curbed
  • Grub Street
  • Subscribe to the Magazine Give a Gift Subscription Buy Back Issues Current Issue Contents
    Subscribe to New York Magazine
  • Subscribe
  • Profile
    Sign Out
The Cut
  • Style
  • Self
  • Culture
  • Power
Style
  • Fashion
  • Beauty
  • Parties & Red Carpet
  • Fashion Shows
  • Cathy Horyn
  • The Cut Shop
Self
  • Health & Wellness
  • The State of the Uterus
  • Parenting
  • Advice
  • Sex & Relationships
  • Horoscopes
Culture
  • Books
  • Television
  • Movies
  • Music
  • Celebrity
Power
  • Politics
  • Work
  • Money
  • Rebecca Traister
More
  • Latest Stories
  • Video
  • About Us
  • nymag.com
  • New York Magazine
  • Intelligencer
  • Vulture
  • The Cut
  • The Strategist
  • Grub Street
  • Curbed
lifelong loves
February 13, 2015

See Moving Portraits of Couples Who’ve Been Married for Decades

By Hattie Crisell

Share

  • Share
  • Tweet
Photo: Lauren Fleishman

Today most people are so blasé about what our grandparents called “courting” that we flick through potential mates on our iPhones like we’re playing cards. But for all that, I don’t believe that anyone, of any generation, could look at Lauren Fleishman’s new book, The Lovers, and not find it moving. It’s a book filled with portraits of lovers — long-term, romantic, hold-my-hand, in-sickness-and-in-health love.

The book is a celebration of couples who’ve been together for more than 50 years — Fleishman found more than 50 of them to photograph and interview. “The first couple was my friend’s grandparents,” she explains. “Then I started going to dances for seniors and looking in the crowd for couples I found interesting. I met others at the supermarket, and as the project became more and more popular, I started getting emails from people inviting me to photograph their grandparents.” The Cut spoke to Fleishman about confronting the loss of her own grandparents and what these long-term lovers taught her about relationships.

How did you get started with the project?
It was inspired by a series of love letters that I found in a book next to my grandfather’s bed — he’d written them to my grandmother in the early months of their marriage. At the beginning of the book, you’ll see a copy of one of the letters. It says, “Dearest wife — When it comes to expressing my feelings for you, there is nothing more that I can say. I love you with all my heart and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.”

Were you able to talk to him about it?
No, I found the letters after he passed away. I started to think about these relationships and what it must mean for you to spend the majority of your life with someone, and I felt inspired to seek out and record other couples who had been long married. The other thing is that after my grandfather passed away, I realized I was no longer a granddaughter — he had been my last living grandparent — and I think there was definitely a sense of loss in that. So when I first began the project, I would seek out couples that had similar facial features and ages as my grandparents.

Was that comforting?
Yes, I loved their company. I would go to their homes and photograph them and record their love stories, and a lot of times they’d bake me cakes! We enjoyed spending time together. I worked as the photographer, but the couples would write their own love story through the recorded interview. I didn’t like to ask a lot of questions, because I think the things that people choose to tell you are more interesting.

This kind of work must have a personal impact on you. How did it affect your feelings about relationships?
It definitely did. In the beginning of the project, I didn’t know what it must be like to be married to someone for so long, and I guess what I learned is that it always takes work, whether you’ve been married for 20, 30, 40, or 50 years. And the other thing I realized is that each couple is so different. They all came from such different backgrounds and experiences, but they all offered advice on what worked for them. Over this past year, when I was really going through the interviews and looking at the photographs, I could sometimes hear them in the back of my mind.

The first couple I ever photographed were Mo and Tessie, who are on the cover of the book. To me, there was something so interesting about them. Mo says that every day, his wife tells him that she loves him. And she takes care of him. She told me, “Whenever we decide to do anything, we always discuss it beforehand. … We always discuss things from positive and from negative, and we decide which way we should go, which way would be the best for us. Then you don’t argue, and you don’t use bad language, and you don’t annoy each other, but you’re kind to one another … I even ask him what he would like to eat, and I give him a choice so that he can have what he likes.” They were married so young — I think, if I remember correctly, they were 20 or 21, and they’d known each other in college. These were lifelong loves.

Have you stayed in touch with the couples?
Yes, a lot of them, because they’re curious about the book. They want to know if it’s been mentioned in a magazine, so I’ll tell them or their children or grandchildren, who also get very excited about it. I sent each couple prints and a thank-you note, because I appreciate their letting me do this. It’s been the most incredible experience — I can’t tell you how exciting it’s been. I hope they’ve enjoyed it as much as I have, because I consider it a collaboration.

View
1 / 11 Photos
Fred and Francis Futterman Brooklyn, New York Married on January 7, 1945 Photo: Lauren Fleishman www.LaurenFleishman.com
Joseph and Dorothy Bolotin Sharon, Pennsylvania Married on June 16, 1938 Photo: Lauren Fleishman www.LaurenFleishman.com
Gino and Angie Terranova Staten Island, New York Married on September 27, 1947 Photo: Lauren Fleishman www.LaurenFleishman.com
Sol and Gloria Holtzman Brooklyn, New York Married on January 16, 1954 Photo: Lauren Fleishman www.LaurenFleishman.com
Yevgeniy and Lyubov Kissin Brooklyn, New York Married on June 29, 1941 Photo: Lauren Fleishman www.LaurenFleishman.com
Jake and Mary Jacobs Solihull, England Married on April 27, 1948 Photo: Lauren Fleishman www.LaurenFleishman.com
Leon and Harriett Bolotin Sharon, Pennsylvania Married on November 7, 1943 Photo: Lauren Fleishman www.LaurenFleishman.com
Yaakov and Mariya Shapirshetyn Brooklyn, New York Married on July 6, 1949 Photo: Lauren Fleishman www.LaurenFleishman.com
Moses and Tessie Rubenstein Brooklyn, New York Married on June 21, 1942 Photo: Lauren Fleishman www.LaurenFleishman.com
Dick Dehn and Gary Payne Fort Lauderdale, Florida Anniversary is September 2, 1957 Photo: Lauren Fleishman www.LaurenFleishman.com
1 / 11

Tags:

  • q&a
  • interview
  • slideshow
  • kiss cam
  • the lovers
  • lauren fleishman
  • lifelong loves
  • valentine's day 2015
  • More

More Galleries

Jan. 10, 2023
All the Looks From the 2023 Golden Globes  Sheryl Lee Ralph, Jenna Ortega, Jessica Chastain, Julia Garner, Jeremy Allen White, Angela Bassett, and more. 
parties! Sept. 23, 2022
Katie Holmes, Chloë Sevigny, and More of the Bestest Party Pics This Week  Chanel, Mejuri, and more celebrate. 
parties! Sept. 16, 2022
Doja Cat, Lil Nas X, and More of the Bestest Party Pics This Week  Fendi, Frame, and Coach all celebrated NYFW. 
emmys 2022 Sept. 12, 2022
Emmys 2022: All the Red Carpet Looks  Updating: What Hollywood is wearing to the 2022 Primetime Emmy Awards. 
By Olivia Luppino
nyfw spring 2023 Sept. 9, 2022
Gigi Hadid, Chlöe Bailey, and More of the Bestest Party Pics of the Week  Saks Fifth Avenue, Longchamp, and more celebrate the beginning of NYFW. 
rip Sept. 9, 2022
The Queen Sure Did Love to Color-Coordinate  Monochrome for decades. 
red carpet Sept. 6, 2022
The Venice Film Festival Is a Major Fashion Event  Valentino and Gucci and Armani, oh my. 
red carpet June 5, 2022
All the Best Looks at the 2022 MTV Movie and TV Awards  Sydney Sweeney, Vanessa Hudgens, Jay Ellis, and more! 
parties! May 20, 2022
The Bestest Party Looks of the Week  Harry Styles > everyone! 
parties! May 13, 2022
The Bestest Party Looks of the Week  Bury me in Dove Cameron’s Saint Sintra skirt. 
parties! May 6, 2022
The Bestest Party Looks of the Week  Cue the Met Gala after-party FOMO. 
met gala 2022 May 2, 2022
Met Gala 2022: All the Looks [Photos]  Billie Eilish, Kim Kardashian, Michelle Yeoh, Hailey Bieber, Megan Thee Stallion, Cardi B, Blake Lively, and more. 
parties! Apr. 29, 2022
The Bestest Party Looks of the Week  This one goes to Olivia Rodrigo and her sweater vest. 
parties! Apr. 22, 2022
The Bestest Party Looks of the Week  “Fuck those Zoom tops.” 
celebrity style Apr. 18, 2022
The Best Looks From Coachella 2022  From Harry Styles’s sparkling Gucci set to Megan Thee Stallion’s metallic bodysuit. 
style Apr. 13, 2022
A Look Inside the New Museum’s Spring Gala  Featuring all the best looks. 
grammys 2022 Apr. 3, 2022
Grammy Awards 2022 Red Carpet: All the Looks  Lady Gaga, Olivia Rodrigo, Lenny Kravitz, Lil Nas X, Billie Eilish, and more. 
oscars 2022 Mar. 28, 2022
How Were The Oscars After Party Looks Better Than The Actual Award Looks?  Finally, some fun. 
oscars 2022 Mar. 27, 2022
All the Looks From the 2022 Oscars Red Carpet  Zendaya, Regina Hall, Timothée Chalamet, Andrew Garfield, Kristen Stewart, Ariana DeBose, and more. 
style Mar. 22, 2022
Bridgerton Season 2 Premiere: All the Red-Carpet Looks 
  • Style
  • Self
  • Culture
  • Power
  • About The Cut
  • About New York Magazine
  • Newsletters
  • Help
  • Contact
  • Press
  • Media Kit
  • We’re Hiring
  • Privacy
  • Terms
  • Ad Choices
  • Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information
  • Accessibility
The Cut is a Vox Media Network. © 2023 Vox Media, LLC. All rights reserved.