Engineers at UCLA have created a “new smart necklace” that monitors every sip, bite, and puff you take. The WearSens choker can assess portions and contents of meals, whether someone is chewing, drinking, or smoking — all by tracking throat vibrations. The device can be set to buzz or send alerts if any undesirable behavior occurs. Like a censorious metal boa constrictor, it’s here to circle your neck with confining control and judgment. Fasten me up, I look like a comfortable and trustworthy and enjoyable addition to your life: It beckons.