Here’s Martha Stewart’s recipe for a roast, exhibited at the preparation of fresh Justin Bieber:
Preheat to 450 degrees; reduce to 350 degrees. Leave no soul unglazed (“Are you listening, Shaq?” Hear my jokes, Shaq! They’re about you and refrigerators, dammit!). Use a sharp knife. Tell your guests not to bother singing for their supper, because their music sucks. Remove when everything has crisped to perfection. It’s perfectly done and YA BURNT.