By this time next month, Apple fanboys will have the option of buying a gold version of the latest MacbookPro or Macbook Air, in addition to plebian silver or not-even-named-for-a-precious-metal “space gray.”
While it doesn’t actually cost more, the gold Apple Macbook still screams “status.” It brings to mind Paris Hilton–style luxury, or Scrooge McDuck in a swimming pool of money. A gold laptop sounds like it’s intended for the kind of person who considers Dubai a lifestyle, not just a populous city in the UAE. You’d probably pack your gold laptop with you when you board a private plane to Ibiza next summer. Whether or not that’s a good thing or an indication of megadoucheiness has already proven divisive.
Assuming you care, when the first image of a gold computer flashed across the screen during today’s Apple talk, you probably had one of two immediate reactions: “Oh my God, I want that!” Or “Oh my God, I want to burn that with fire.”
For those who want to rid the Earth of it, reasons include: “It’s tacky, it’s Basic, it flies in the face of responsible computer ownership, all computers should be painted black and devoid of all recognizable branding, etc.”
For those in the Covet camp: I get it. I mean, it’s an Apple product — so, inherently beautiful — but the gold also adds oomph. Some people will look at it and think, This is the real Apple Powerbook. Others will look at it and think, Yas! It’s so fun and tacky in a good way, like the technological equivalent of Kim Kardashian! (Who, by the way is probably preordering this as we speak. As are Macklemore, Adam Levine, and maybe Sincerely Jules. #macbooklust.) Everyone will think, Can’t wait to Instagram this! And a select few will look at the gold Macbook and think, Thank God. I can finally match my iPhone 6 plus to my computer.
They will then grab their whole gilded Apple product family and hop in their solid-gold Porsche and drive aimlessly, thinking how empty their lives are, but at least everything will be synced up, thanks to new-and-improved cross-device integration that was also announced today. And also, Gold! Shiny.
One aspiring megadouche (an unnamed editor at the Cut who saw the gold option and immediately wanted it) nailed the problem with something so flashy. She said, “This is the kind of thing I will spend the next three weeks wanting — and talking about wanting — but then, Instagram will become littered with it and, like the Yeezy Boosts or the Cronut before it, I will become embarrassed about ever wanting it.”
Just ask all those Glassholes who ate a Cronut while visiting the Rain Room, and they’ll agree.