gratuitous male objectification

Meet Trevor Noah’s Dimples, the New Hosts of The Daily Show

Hi, Trevor Noah.
Hi, Trevor Noah.

Jon Stewart might have made a mistake by appointing Trevor Noah as the heir to the Daily Show throne. Oh sure, the South African comedian is funny and insightful. His stand-up is great, his documentary, You Laugh But It’s True, is genuinely moving. His previous stints on The Daily Show have been fantastic. But as I took today to really acquaint myself with Trevor Noah the man, I realized there’s no way I will be able to focus on what promises to be a satisfying, satirical take on the news: When I see his dimples, all I can hear is Minnie Riperton’s “Loving You” and everything goes dark, because I’ve swooned. On second thought, Trevor Noah’s Dimples might be the real new hosts of The Daily Show.

Some say dimples are a facial deformity; other, more correct people say dimples are formed when God touches a newborn on the face and leaves a special little indentation. Trevor Noah is one of God’s special little lambs. He has been given two dimples, just like Shirley Temple or a cherub. Are these references sexually confusing? Sure. But let us not allow those comparisons to diminish how sexy Trevor Noah’s dimples are. They are damn sexy. They are the hot little dimples of a fine, grown-ass man.

Have you noticed them? Have you? I mean really noticed. Like literally spent some time focusing on them as their own entities?

Trevor Noah’s dimples. Photo: Kevin Winter/NBCUniversal/Getty Images

The right one, which I’ll call Otis, is much more prominent. It likes to show itself more. Even when Trevor Noah relaxes his face, Otis is still hanging out, saying a seductive hello. He’s the more outgoing dimple — Otis will always be your date to the party. The left dimple, Jake, is much shyer. He’s a sensitive dimple that only comes out when the mood is right — like if something is very funny, and Trevor Noah laughs a full laugh or gives a smirk. But when Jake emerges, man, it’s like the godlight is pouring from both of these little face dents. Sometimes, if Trevor Noah smiles in the exact right way, a third dimple shows up on a higher point on his left cheek. It’s a rare sighting, like a blue moon or Halley’s Comet, but just so beautiful.

You’ll notice his dimples are incredibly versatile, just like Trevor Noah, and in fact will make perfect hosts.

Here they are in a pensive moment:

Photo: Comedy Central

And in a moment of joy:

Photo: Comedy Central

Here they are being charming and tender:

Photo: Comedy Central

And melting snowflakes with their sexy hotness:

Oh look, Trevor Noah’s dimples got their own GQ cover!

Awwwwwwww, dimples. Now. Watch them work.

These Dimples Will Now Host The Daily Show