Stores Save Teens From Death by Humiliation

Photo: FOX

Around this time each year, the streets flood with the tears of teens who have realized that their “dream prom dress” is the dream prom dress of at least one of their classmates. The earth threatens to split in twain when Kelly opens the limo door to find that Brenda is also wearing the exact same black-and-white off-the-shoulder number. The issue threatens humanity — teens will die of humiliation.

Now dress-store owners have decided to step up as our protectors by creating “prom dress registries” to ensure that no two girls will wear the same peach-colored, strapless tulle dress to their special event. When a prom dress is purchased, the selection is entered into a database so shopkeepers know they can’t sell it to teens attending the same event. Some stores won’t even sell the same dress in a different color. They also add an extra layer of security by refusing to give out the names of dress buyers — you know, just in case.

Stores hope this will help families avoid all sorts of terrifying and explosive teen histrionics, except the type that might result from telling 17-year-olds they can’t have the exact thing they really, really want.