questions that need answers

Let Pizza Make All Your Major Decisions for You

Photo: feryersan/Getty Images

When life hands you a complex problem and says “fucking figure it out,” the list of who/what to consult goes something like this: mother, best friend, therapist, and, finally — if those all prove fruitless — your personal astrologist, tarot-card reader, or Susan Miller monthly column.

Now there is a way to use pizza (pizza) as a replacement for all these things. The site Free Art and Technology has instructions for a pizza séance, a.k.a. the only way anyone should ever decide anything. The steps are simple:

1. Order a pizza via your favorite delivery site (i.e., Seamless, Dominoes, etc.) and type: “arrange the pepperoni in a ‘Y,’ ‘M,’ or ‘N’ shape” in the special instructions box.

2. Receive pizza, tip kindly, ask the pizza your question, and open the box to reveal the answer.

3. “Find enlightenment.”

That large pepperoni pie is now your mom, BFF, shrink, and tarot-card reader all in one hot, cheesy, edible form.

Let Pizza Make All Your Major Decisions for You