Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Are Splitting Up

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Roses are red, violets are blue, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are splitting up, further confirming that love is just a temporary distraction from inevitable death.

People reports that the couple, who just celebrated their 10-year anniversary yesterday — yesterday! — have decided to file for divorce. According to a joint statement:

After much thought and careful consideration, we have made the difficult decision to divorce. We go forward with love and friendship for one another and a commitment to co-parenting our children whose privacy we ask to be respected during this difficult time. This will be our only comment on this private, family matter. Thank you for understanding.

Congrats, People, on getting that exclusive you wanted.