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How Not to Message a Woman Online

Photo: Tomas Rodriguez/Corbis

Gather ‘round, class! Today our lesson will be about all the things you should not do when attempting to hit on a woman online, as told through a single OKCupid message.

• DON’T see on Twitter that a girl has an OKCupid account, then explicitly search for her, then admit that that is a creepy thing you did.

• DON’T give her backhanded compliments.

“Google images again has me more smitten with your avi than your writing.”

• DON’T admit to Googling her, even if that is another creepy thing you did.

• DON’T neg.

“I was more intrigued by your avi than your attempts, successful or not, at humor.”

• DON’T use her as a Livejournal circa 2005.

“Sorry for rambling on, really I’m just feeling lonely.”

• DON’T tell her her tastes are inferior.

“The real reason it would never work is your terrible and terribly unevolved taste in music!!”

• DON’T act overfamiliar.

• DON’T contact her via other platforms after she’s expressed her discomfort with your behavior.

• DON’T blame her for your creepy behavior.

• DO consider that you’re sending an email to a real human being, not a mythical creature who can only be wooed with the proper combination of insults and cyberstalking.