This Is What Happens to Men Who Falsely Claim They’re Dating Rihanna

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Maybe late at night, when you’re home alone browsing Rihanna’s legendary Instagram, you consider what it’d be like if the two of you became a power couple. You wistfully imagine hanging out with baby monkeys or Coachella-ing in peace. But then you pack that image away because it’s so unrealistic that just the act of fantasizing about it is, frankly, a little embarrassing. Unless, that is, you’re NBA player Matt Barnes.

If you’re Matt Barnes, you go right ahead and tell TMZ that you and Rihanna are not just friends, but you’re “just past the crush stage” of your relationship. And then, because Rihanna basically invented the concept of the bad bitch, she will make you look like a pathetic chump with a single Instagram post and a flurry of hashtags:

#bishwhere #thedevilisaliar #shesnotthatintoyou #shesnotintoyouatall #shesneverevenmetyou #thisactuallyhurtmyfeelings #defamationofcharacter

Pro tip: If you want to make up a girlfriend, just go with “a girl I went to summer camp with.” It’s much easier.

Rihanna Instagram-Shames NBA Player