bougie fitness trends

Let’s All Get High on Cold-Pressed Juice!

Photo: Conny Marshaus/Corbis

If morning raves, late-night Kanye-themed spin classes, and health goth weren’t enough to scare you into believing that fitness is the new nightlife, the latest “trend” for people who wear Lululemon but desperately miss the club should convince you.

The New York Post shares a harrowing tale of something called a “Juice Crawl,” which is like a bar crawl except instead of taking shots of Jäger, participants walk around the city and take shots of cold-pressed kale juice. On a really crazy crawl, Juiceheads can take up to 25 shots of the stuff. Here’s a description:

The night began at the sportswear shop Athleta, where the participants — a mix of hipsters, NYU kids, a few hard-core veggie lovers and precocious underage thrill-seekers — enjoyed a “pregame” “Kalefornia” juice (kale, banana, kiwi, dates, blueberries and coconut water) from Rawpothecary.

There were three more bar stops throughout the night offering small cups of juice like LuliTonix’s “Fresh!” (avocado, basil, spinach, mint, lemon, ginger, fig, lettuce). But it wasn’t all about the liquefied produce. The crawl’s official leader, Will Petz, 36, had the group storm a Samsung store and dance around a security guard, who clearly wasn’t having any of it. The high jinks continued at an art gallery, where the proud extroverts sang along full-voice to the Backstreet Boys’ “I Want It That Way.”

People reported getting drunk on nonalcoholic veggie juice and high on something called “natural life-force energy,” which is not a real drug, I checked. Pack up your going-out tops and sparkly clutches: Fitness has claimed the most bacchanalian, rowdy relic of nightlife. See you all at 5:30 a.m. SoulCycle.

Let’s All Get High on Cold-Pressed Juice!