Just to summarize what’s happening on Scream Queens right now: Alpha-Cunt Chanel No. 1 just got hauled off to prison to reenact Orange Is the New Black; favorite pledge Zayday has been abducted and is trapped in a Silence of the Lambs tribute that may turn bloody at any moment.
The Red Devil is still out there and still dismembering people, all of which means, unfortunately, that Halloween (“the biggest candle night of the year”) and Chanel’s epic The Shining–themed party have been canceled.
While the Kappas stand to lose the most if Halloween is canceled (seriously, the Chaneloween party looks amazing), it’s fratdouche Chad who ends up making an impassioned speech to try and save America’s best holiday. Because it’s not just a night when girls dress up in a variety of slutty costumes, but also, as Chad points out in an oddly empowering moment, a night when guys have an excuse to walk around shirtless, showing off their ripped bods as long as they say they are Gladiators or Chippendales. Viva Halloween! The best celebration of American values: equal opportunity objectification.