A Comprehensive Taxonomy of Men With Long Hair
Photo: Getty Images
Cary Fukunaga, Fabio, Rick James, Chris Hemsworth, Harry Styles: just a few of the proud members of the community of long-hairs, by virtue of their flowing, bouncing, shiny, soft, sexy locks. (Sorry, James Van Der Beek, you are on the wait list.) They have been blessed with the hair of heroes, hair so lustrous and thick, so hypnotic and arousing that it causes us to fall to our knees and demand of the heavens how we too can get such pretty hair.
Instead, we shall gaze upon a slideshow and try to decode the many types of man-tresses on offer in the world.
The Demi-God Only a man who can carry a hammer like Chris Hemsworth would have hair so shiny, so blond, so ... muscular. (Yes, even his hair.)
P...
The Demi-God Only a man who can carry a hammer like Chris Hemsworth would have hair so shiny, so blond, so ... muscular. (Yes, even his hair.)
Photo: Marvel
The Devout Vegan His hair glows with the glory of his clean lifestyle. We've heard it grows a centimeter every time he goes to transcendental&nbs...
The Devout Vegan His hair glows with the glory of his clean lifestyle. We've heard it grows a centimeter every time he goes to transcendental meditation.
Photo: Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/2015 Axelle/Bauer-Griffin
The Hero-Mortal Unlike Thor, Jon Snow (Kit Harington) is a regular human who must fight without superpowers, and his dark, dark hair reflects the...
The Hero-Mortal Unlike Thor, Jon Snow (Kit Harington) is a regular human who must fight without superpowers, and his dark, dark hair reflects the seriousness of this burden. The slight frizz and unruly curls remind us that, though brave, he can bleed and he can die.
Photo: HBO
The Heartthrob Harry Styles, HarryStyles, Hairystyles, hairstyle. Who doesn't want to scream when they see that bouncy, buoyant, forever-young ha...
The Heartthrob Harry Styles, HarryStyles, Hairystyles, hairstyle. Who doesn't want to scream when they see that bouncy, buoyant, forever-young hair? (Particularly because it's usually bouncing on top of a YSL blouse.) When he prances, his hair prances with him.
Photo: Kevin Mazur/2015 Kevin Mazur
The All-American NFL player Torrey Smith has hair that was genetically manipulated to look good underneath a football helmet. Also, it looks good...
The All-American NFL player Torrey Smith has hair that was genetically manipulated to look good underneath a football helmet. Also, it looks good without a helmet.
Photo: Jamie Squire/2013 Getty Images
The Auteur Instead of submitting a reel with his film-school application, Cary Fukunaga submitted a picture of his lovely hair. He got in.
Photo...
The Auteur Instead of submitting a reel with his film-school application, Cary Fukunaga submitted a picture of his lovely hair. He got in.
Photo: Jamie McCarthy/2014 WireImage
The Surfer Stoner The only things Fast Times at Ridgemont High's Jeff Spicoli (Sean Penn) needs are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and a bot...
The Surfer Stoner The only things Fast Times at Ridgemont High's Jeff Spicoli (Sean Penn) needs are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and a bottle of ultramoisturizing conditioner.
Photo: Universal Pictures
The Skater (also a Stoner) Nineties icon Travis Birkenstock (played by Breckin Meyer) of Clueless goes for that butt-crack middle part because he...
The Skater (also a Stoner) Nineties icon Travis Birkenstock (played by Breckin Meyer) of Clueless goes for that butt-crack middle part because he knows his sunny personality can pull it off, just like a coconut wheelie.
Photo: Paramount Pictures
The Wise Elder (Um, Also a Stoner) Living proof that THC keeps hair healthy well into the golden years.
Photo: ullstein bild
The Hesher Is Hesher good? Is he bad? In the movie, we never know. In real life, we're just kind of into a skanky version of Joseph Gordon-Levitt...
The Hesher Is Hesher good? Is he bad? In the movie, we never know. In real life, we're just kind of into a skanky version of Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Photo: Last Picture Company
The Head-Banger Sebastian Bach, the prototypical hair-band boy, is long on cheese and heavy into hair spray. The leather pants are de rigeur. And...
The Head-Banger Sebastian Bach, the prototypical hair-band boy, is long on cheese and heavy into hair spray. The leather pants are de rigeur. And he can always sell his hair if he finds himself headed for Skid Row.
Photo: Tony Mottram
The Witchy Man Carlos Santana's hair is infused with the power of Black Magic — that's why his curls are so enviably voluminous.
Photo: Rob...
The Witchy Man Carlos Santana's hair is infused with the power of Black Magic — that's why his curls are so enviably voluminous.
Photo: Robert Knight Archive
The French Connection Every French person wants some version of Über-gamine Charlotte Gainsbourg's perfectly messy, chic do — even G&ea...
The French Connection Every French person wants some version of Über-gamine Charlotte Gainsbourg's perfectly messy, chic do — even Gérard Depardieu. Photo: Mondadori/MONDADORI PORTFOLIO
The Professor Olivier Martinez looks like he belongs buried in the stacks of a used bookstore, waiting for someone to push his long, thick hair a...
The Professor Olivier Martinez looks like he belongs buried in the stacks of a used bookstore, waiting for someone to push his long, thick hair aside so he can read better. This style always looks best with some type of sweater, preferably with elbow patches.
Photo: Arnaldo Magnani
The Medusa The blue eyes, the razor-sharp jawline, and the cleaned-up, golden surfer-boy locks? Jason Lewis's beauty is way too much for anyone's...
The Medusa The blue eyes, the razor-sharp jawline, and the cleaned-up, golden surfer-boy locks? Jason Lewis's beauty is way too much for anyone's eyes to handle. Look away before he turns you into an adoring stone.
Photo: HBO
The Totally Extreme, Brah Shaun White has the Mountain Dew of long hair: ginger-colored, unruly, rebelliously long. Extreme to the max.
Photo: S...
The Totally Extreme, Brah Shaun White has the Mountain Dew of long hair: ginger-colored, unruly, rebelliously long. Extreme to the max.
Photo: Stephen J. Boitano/© 2011 Stephen J. Boitano
The Freestyle Kenny. G's cascading, side-swept curls are as noodly and complex as his music.
Photo: NBC/2014 NBCUniversal Media, LLC
The Guru Gentle George Harrison's beautiful hair is as soft as his sitar playing.
Photo: Tim Boxer/2006 Getty Images
The Truly Bad Boy Something about Anthony Kiedis's preternaturally straight hair has us wondering if he made some kind of deal with the De...
The Truly Bad Boy Something about Anthony Kiedis's preternaturally straight hair has us wondering if he made some kind of deal with the Devil to get it. It's the kind of hair that makes a girl think he'd do dirty Satan stuff with her in a small-town field somewhere. (Into it.)
Photo: Photoshot/2012 Photoshot
The Super-Freak Rick James's do has the three b's necessary for seduction: braids, bangs, and beading. (He also has a man-thong, another necessar...
The Super-Freak Rick James's do has the three b's necessary for seduction: braids, bangs, and beading. (He also has a man-thong, another necessary seduction tool.)
Photo: Mark Weiss
The Musketeer This look requires a certain shagginess, along with a brave hat choice, as seen on Donald Sutherland in 1970's Alex in Wonderland. ...
The Musketeer This look requires a certain shagginess, along with a brave hat choice, as seen on Donald Sutherland in 1970's Alex in Wonderland. Ironically, his son Kiefer would go on to play an actual musketeer in 1993.
Photo: Archive Photos/2012 Getty Images
The Let Love Rule Let love rule. Let Lenny rule. Let Lenny's hair rule. Photo: Franziska Krug
The Poet The flat, slightly greasy hair is a sign of a tortured, romantic soul desperately trying to ooze free through Tim Riggins's hair follicl...
The Poet The flat, slightly greasy hair is a sign of a tortured, romantic soul desperately trying to ooze free through Tim Riggins's hair follicles. (Tim's hair played by the hair of Taylor Kitsch.)
Photo: Virginia Sherwood/2012 NBCUniversal, Inc.
The Missed Goal We've read that David Beckham refuses to cut his daughter Harper's hair. It is because he is doing penance for this pageboy.
Pho...
The Missed Goal We've read that David Beckham refuses to cut his daughter Harper's hair. It is because he is doing penance for this pageboy.
Photo: Sarah Seymour/Sarah Seymour
The Livin' La Vida Long-Hair Ricky Martin is fully committed to sex appeal, starting with that mane and ending with the decision to forgo a shirt...
The Livin' La Vida Long-Hair Ricky Martin is fully committed to sex appeal, starting with that mane and ending with the decision to forgo a shirt.
Photo: Maureen Donaldson/2011 Maureen Donaldson
The Original They were all created in his image. Photo: DEA / G. CIGOLINI
The Natural Some men are predestined for a certain life — with this pirate-esque hair, Johnny Depp had no choice but to play Captain Jack Sparrow...
The Natural Some men are predestined for a certain life — with this pirate-esque hair, Johnny Depp had no choice but to play Captain Jack Sparrow. It even covers one eye, just like his patch.
Photo: Barry King
The Harlequin My ripped bodice and heaving bosom are pleading for a chance to touch Fabio's golden locks.
Photo: Donaldson Collection
The Grunge Truly the epitome of "Long hair, don't care." Photo: Frank Micelotta Archive
The Brad Pitt What's the point in giving this pretty mane on a pretty man any other title? He peaked when he and Jen got matching highlights on t...
The Brad Pitt What's the point in giving this pretty mane on a pretty man any other title? He peaked when he and Jen got matching highlights on their wedding day, or at least his hair did. Photo: Ron Galella, Ltd./1993 Ron Galella, Ltd.
The Neo-Lumberjack With that WWE bod and this unruly mane, what else is Jason Momoa going to do besides be a hot lumberjack? Oh just play one in ...
The Neo-Lumberjack With that WWE bod and this unruly mane, what else is Jason Momoa going to do besides be a hot lumberjack? Oh just play one in an action flick.
Photo: FilmMagic/2012 FilmMagic
The Trademark Every designer needs a signature look, and Alexander Wang's dark, silky waterfall of hair is his best accessory.
Photo: Randy B...
The Trademark Every designer needs a signature look, and Alexander Wang's dark, silky waterfall of hair is his best accessory.
Photo: Randy Brooke/2014 Getty Images
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