Whether you want to accept it or not, we are currently living in the age of the technologically advanced hoverboard. Years ago, young hot men got around on two wheels by way of analog skateboards — scraped knees, often shirtless, a little smelly, you know the drill. But for the modern man, who cares more about his iOS update than how to land that gnar reverse-boogie-grinder, the hoverboard is the preferred mode of transportation. Why walk when you can float, ya dig?
Justin Bieber rides them. Jason Derulo rides them. Deion Sanders rides them. Soulja Boy, Cash Warren, Jamie Foxx, Wiz Khalifa, Skrillex — they all ride them. The auto-balancing skateboard of the future is replacing our men’s feet with those of a robot, and we aren’t quite sure how we feel about it all. If Victor Cruz were to glide into the club heading straight for you, his feet lit up in that specific shade of blue, would you book it in the opposite direction, or would you stay?
The conundrum got even pricklier this past Friday when a perfect storm of hotness, skeeze, and ill-placed arousal met in the middle at a dance cover of “What Do You Mean?” coordinated on hoverboards (here, they call them Segways, much to their disservice). The five dancers, choreographed by David Moore, move smoothly through space while dressed like a gang of nonthreatening Vine stars. While this kind of dancing has been done before, the video stirred something wrong and illicit in our hearts. Are these men — dare we say it — hot? If we went out for a night on the town, would we — oh my God — let them ride next to us on hoverboards? Is a man who uses automated technology as a means for transportation capable of being sexy?
You tell us. Would you date and/or bone a man on a hoverboard?