Have you ever thought, “How cute would my pet cat look strapped to my body, serving as a convenient vessel for all of my personal belongings?” No, because you’re not a MONSTER. Still, someone in Japan has come to fill the creepily-realistic-cat-bag-shaped hole in your life, because everything old is new again.
Imagine this: You head over to your friend’s house to catch up on the last few episodes of Empire and notice an adorable creature sitting on her coffee table. “Aww, I didn’t know you had a cat!” you squeal, reaching out to pet its soft fur. But the cat doesn’t purr. It doesn’t meow or hiss or twitch or rub up against you. The cat doesn’t even move, because the cat isn’t a cat, it’s a creepy-ass bag that your friend has stuffed her Sephora gift cards into.
Or how about this scenario: You’re on your bike waiting at a stoplight next to someone in a cab when you see a rustling motion from inside. You notice a docile, doe-eyed cat comfortably situated on the backseat. “What a chill cat!” you think. “He doesn’t even need a carrier!” That’s when the cab’s passenger reaches into the cat’s spine, digs around in its innards, and retrieves a vape pen. She takes a big hit and smiles.
Cat purses are for people who do not actually like cats. Cat purses are for monsters.