This holiday season, you could get your friend one of those clever Etsy coffee mugs that says “Male Tears” or “Ex-Boyfriend Tears” or “Drake Tears” or whatever, so they can pretend to drink those things when really it’s just coffee. Or you could allow them to actually drink those tears in the form of a homemade craft cocktail.
Bompas and Parr (the British art collective that let us bounce around in a playhouse of boobs) is teaching people how to make cocktail bitters out of human tears: You distill them, combine them with aromatic herbs, and either infuse or tincture them in high-proof spirits.“Arguably the most poignant and personal Christmas gift imaginable, the bitter tears will be delicious as well as a decadent gift,” the website promises.
Some suggestions for how to use this knowledge: Harvest tears from Drake (they flow freely); harvest tears from your enemies and former lovers so you may drink in delight; or, collect your own tears to send to exes and mortal enemies, so that they may choke upon them.
