the truth is out there

Aliens Are Apparently Great in Bed

Bridget Nielsen, mom to alien children.
Bridget Nielsen, mom to alien children.

Thinking about having children but not totally sold on the whole living with them/taking care of them/having them fathered by a human man thing? There’s another option for you: being impregnated by an alien. Women have so many choices these days!

The Daily Mail profiled a group of women from Sedona who claim to have mothered alien-hybrid children, and to prove it, they have these cute little drawings of them. Bridget Nielsen and Aluna Verse (excellent hippie name) believe aliens have been harvesting their DNA to create a “hybrid race that will better humanity.” Though the alien babies currently live with their alien dads, the women are occasionally abducted to go visit.

So how exactly were these hybrid kids conceived? So glad you asked. Sometimes all it takes is a ship passing in the night to incite an “ache in the ovaries,” but other times there’s real-life alien sex. “It was great,” Nielsen told The Daily Mail of one sexual encounter she had aboard a spaceship. “It was an incredible super primal, super raw, super primal sexual experience. There was really a freedom and we were really going for it. It was the best sex I ever had.”

The aliens are apparently only interested in making it with “younger generations of women.” Men: universally the same, literally.

Nielsen and Verse believe that millions of women around the globe are mothers to hybrid children without knowing it. Some signs to look out for if you think your womb might have been unknowingly abducted: “re-occurring dreams about doctor’s offices or classrooms, missing times or false pregnancies.”

You may be scared to discover you’re the mother to a strange alien baby, but at least you’ll have a foolproof answer when your parents ask why you haven’t had kids yet. “Actually, Mom, there’s someone I’ve been wanting you to meet …” [Pulls out crayon drawing of alien in a diaper.]