Kanye West, amidst a week of drama punctuated by an album name change, Twitter wars, and an attempt to ruthlessly drag his ex-girlfriend for no reason other than his own fragile masculinity, tweeted last night that any rumors about him taking a finger in his booty were wrong. “Exes can be mad but just know I never let them play with my ass… I don’t do that… I stay away from that area all together.” He continued, “I’m not into that kind of shit… I like pictures and videos Me and my wife got the kind of love that can turn exes into best friends.”
Amber Rose, Kanye’s ex and champion for sex positivity for women everywhere, rightfully called Kanye West a “fucking clown” for his remarks about her to Wiz Khalifa, Rose’s ex-husband. And after Kanye’s latest comments on Rose’s assertion that Kanye is a #FingersInTheBootyAssBitch, Rose clearly came out looking better than Kanye (though her attempt at emasculating him was suspiciously loaded). Kanye, in character, dug himself a grave out of his own words and now he must lie in it. We thinks Kanye doth protest too much.
But what about Kim? While Kanye has been publicly and loudly obsessing over his ex-girlfriend Amber Rose, Kim hasn’t said much save for an Instagram last night of North playing around in her closet, dressed up as Minnie Mouse. Of course, Kim has no obligation to speak out on her husband’s idiotic behavior, but one has to believe Kanye returned home from the studio with a sheepish look on his face. “Kanye,” one imagines Kim saying in this scenario, “what the hell are you doing? I put my finger in your butt all the time! That’s normal!”
Kanye has rapped often about his love of the female ass and eating it. And yet, somehow, he cannot cop to receiving even a little bit of fun in the bumbum from his wife in exchange. We often revisit the “what’s the deal with ass play” conversation in mainstream culture, and have yet to reasonably come to the conclusion that butts are bad, let alone shameful, so Kanye’s aggressive denial elicits the biggest eye roll of eye rolls. After all, there is only so much body to go around, so why limit ourselves to touching and messing with only 75 percent of the terrain? Kanye is a man of experimentation and versatility. If Kim gets some butt-loving, why shouldn’t Kanye? A healthy relationship should be full of exploration, trust, and generosity. Kim, Amber: We are sorry that you’ve gotten pulled into this mess. We are sorry that Kanye has distracted you from your creative processes.
During his initial beef with Wiz Khalifa, Kanye made the mistake of confusing “KK” with his wife’s initials, when Khalifa was merely tweeting about Khalifa Kush. West was quick to come to Kim’s defense in any case, which was fair, but then further pulled his wife into the beef yesterday. Now Kim is left with her husband sharing their alleged bedroom secrets with the whole world, a world that is keenly paying attention. It’s one thing to be forthcoming with a public that loves you, but who’s to say that Kim doesn’t enjoy putting fingers in Kanye’s butt, and now feels conflicted based on what might very well be a falsehood? His pleasure is hers, after all.
Just imagine your boyfriend tweeting, “I’d never watch Real Housewives with my girlfriend — I’m a man who likes man stuff such as hammers and meat stews.” You know the truth, and really, the truth is not harmful. We are all humans who like to do fun things and whatever rocks the Kardashian-Wests’ boat should be between them and God. The last thing Kim needs is Kanye grandstanding about where her fingers (or mouth! or toys!) do or do not go. Just another man dragging women into his fragile bullshit.
And on the off-chance that Kim and Kanye truly have not gotten into ass play — hey, why not live a little?