There’s a Sexy, New Guy Trying to Get Your Attention

Your new boyfriend, popping up to say hello.
Your new boyfriend, popping up to say hello.

Who’s this handsome new guy on the block? Check him out — roughly the size of an apple seed, heart-shaped paddle structures on both of his third legs. Whooo-ee. You think you’ve met all the guys in the city, you think maybe it’s just not gonna happen for you, you think, If I have to go to another dumb bar and talk to some stupid asshole about webs I’m gonna —  and then, boom. A new guy peeks over a leaf and waves his leg-paddle at you, and then he disappears, and then he does it again. Damn. Never seen anything like that before, and neither had any scientist until recently.

According to National Geographic, your new friend Jotus remus was discovered by a guy named Jürgen Otto in December, 2014. Otto found him in a national park outside of Sydney, Australia, which is a place you’ve never visited but you hear is so beautiful — can you tell me about it, Jotus?

In a study published on January 7, Otto and spider scientist David Hill wrote that the male of the Jotus remus species is, just as you suspected, unlike any jumping spider anyone has ever seen before. An exciting, original soul in this workaday world. So sexy. What makes him so unusual is his mating ritual, which involves him hiding under a leaf, thrusting his paddle in the air, and waving it around, and then basically just doing that again. Then, if the female he’s attempting to attract doesn’t try to attack him, which is her right, they mate. A beautiful love story, and a sexy one, and an original one.

From National Geographic:

Jumping spiders are well known for their elaborate courtships and fancy features, says entomologist Robert Matthews, a professor emeritus at the University of Georgia. But even among their tribe, the newfound spider’s paddle-waving is “really unusual,” he says via email.

Really unusual. That’s just your guy, and you love him.

Plus, if it doesn’t work out with Jotus, remember: There are always more species of spiders out there, interested in all different sorts of sex stuff, just waiting for you to find them.

There’s a Sexy, New Guy and He’s Waving at YOU