zayn my man

Zayn, Shut Up!

The “Bradford Bad Boy” himself.
The “Bradford Bad Boy” himself. Photo: 247PAPS.TV/Corbis

Former One Direction member and current fan of graffiti Zayn Malik is the subject of a newly released Billboard cover feature. In it, he hints at how he is, at some point, going to put out more music, after only teasing that one song a million years ago. He talks about how he doesn’t fuck with indie rock. He talks about the split with One Direction and eating dinner his mom makes. But perhaps most importantly, or notably, or another euphemism for misguidedly, he talks about women. Zayn, baby. Zayn, my man.

Take it away, Zayn:

“I need a challenge. Also, I like girls that are a bit chunky in certain areas — the nice areas. I like a fuller woman.”

But also:

“I enjoy an intellectual conversation as well, where someone can construct a sentence beyond what hair and makeup they’re wearing, and talk about something political or about the world. I like an opinion.”

Ugh, girls are so dumb. I wish they were smart, like Zayn, but full, with chunky butt.

But what about graffiti, though? Does “Graffiti” Malik say anything about graffiti? (You’re wondering this, I know the answer.) Uh, yeah — of course “Graffiti” Malik says something about graffiti!

“I like to graffiti my house,” says Malik. “The garden goes up three stories into the mountain. There are these walls that look white from one side, but when you walk up the stairs, the inside is all graffiti. I painted ‘Fresh Prince’ on one.”