Juicing Is Dead; These Nonsense Words Mark Its Grave

Amanda Chantal ... Bacon?
Amanda Chantal … Bacon? Photo: Nancy Gomez/BFA.com

While it has already been two days since the Times “Style” section declared that juicing is OVER and instead souping is the chicest way to develop an eating disorder, we have not had enough time to adjust our dials accordingly. Our fridges are still stocked with green juice and alkaline water and before we break out the bone broth for our soup fast, we must take a minute to consider what we’re leaving behind. Amanda Chantal Bacon, founder of L.A.-based tonic, powder, and juice company Moon Juice, take it away:

At 8am, I had a warm, morning chi drink on my way to the school drop off, drunk in the car! It contains more than 25 grams of plant protein, thanks to vanilla mushroom protein and stone ground almond butter, and also has the super endocrine, brain, immunity, and libido-boosting powers of Brain Dust, cordyceps, reishi, maca, and Shilajit resin. I throw ho shou wu and pearl in as part of my beauty regime. I chase it with three quinton shots for mineralization and two lipospheric vitamin B-complex packets for energy.

Vanilla mushroom protein? Brain dust? Cordyceps? Reishi? Maca? Shilajit resin? Three quinton shots of mineralization and two liposhperic vitamin B-complex packets for energy? What ………?

She continues:

At 9:30am, I drink 16 ounces of unsweetened, strong green juice, which is my alkalizer, hydrator, energizer, source of protein and calcium, and overall mood balancer. It’s also my easy, ‘lazy,’ and delicious skin regime. I also take three tablespoons of bee pollen. I love Moon Juice’s soft and chewy bee pollen—it’s a creamy, candy-like treat that gives me my daily B-vitamin blast, and also helps feed my skin and aids hormone production. I’ll also grab a handful of activated cashews. I try to get these in every day for their brain chemistry magic. I chase this with a shot of pressed turmeric root in freshly squeezed grapefruit juice.”

Bee pollen? I’m not a bee. Activated cashews? My cashews are just regular. Bacon (an unfortunate last name for such a woman) ends her day just as we all do:

At 11pm, I had a nightcap of heart tonic and raw chocolate made from one of my big batches—this one was made with our Moon Pantry heirloom raw cacao, reishi and Chaga mushroom, sprouted brown rice protein, and coconut oil. I love chocolate—and on some evenings, I don’t want to deny the indulgence—so I’ve devised a million low glycemic recipes.

I’ll take a cup of chicken noodle soup and a tuna melt, please. Thanks. Rest in power, juicing.

Juicing Is Dead; This Marks Its Grave