As Samantha Bee mocked the Republican presidential debates on last night’s Full Frontal, she made a horrifying discovery: Compared to his fellow candidates, Donald Trump’s views on “women’s health” seem, well, marginally sane. After Cruz accused Trump of saying that “Planned Parenthood does wonderful things,” Trump shot back, “Excuse me! There are wonderful things having to do with women’s health.”
Flabbergasted, Bee joked that she’ll be unemployed if Trump continues to “make sense.” “Listen up, Creamsicle, we had a deal,” she exclaimed. “You open your facehole, garbage spills out, I make jokes, I get to keep my comedy job.”
Adding insult to injury, she then realized that Trump had said non-crazy things about foreign policy in the same debate, going on the attack against poor ol’ Jeb Bush’s big brother George. “We should’ve never been in Iraq,” Trump shouted. “We have destabilized the Middle East. There were no weapons of mass destruction.”
“Oh my goddddd,” Bee wailed, collapsed on her desk. “I agree with Donald Trump. I’m ruined. They’re gonna take my comedy show away.”
Don’t worry, Sam! There are still plenty of things to hate lil’ Donny for. He still doesn’t believe in a woman’s right to choose or gun-control laws. He still wants to build a wall to prevent illegal immigration from Mexico because all men are rapists. He still says horrible things about women, and his campaign has still been accused of discrimination against women. There’s still plenty of political insanity to be mocked, and if it’s up to us, your comedy show will be there for the long haul.
