bony-eared assfish

Found a Pic of Your Ex

Damn, this fish is super-ugly!!!
Damn, this fish is super-ugly!!! Photo: Royal BC Museum

The animal kingdom is full of creatures as beautiful as us humans: First there was the Lisa Frank pink dolphin. Then there was the gorgeous blue dragon sea slug. And of course, how could we forget the multicolored painted bunting, a bird so pretty that Brooklynites were leaving brunch early to catch even a glimpse of its many colors. Animals everywhere continue to be hell-bent on reminding us that they don’t need multiple Instagram filters to grab the world’s attention.

But now we have the bony-eared assfish, a real specimen of cusk-eel who has been on display at the Royal BC Museum in British Columbia, Canada. Now this is a creature we can identify with. In fact, doesn’t he look a lot like your ex?

The museum’s curator of vertebrate zoology, Gavin Hanke, told National Geographic that the bony-eared assfish’s body is “soft and flabby, and their skeleton is light and reduced,” and a lack of available food and high pressure at such depth makes it hard for the ugly creature to generate bone and muscle. The assfish “is a lazy swimmer, only fluttering its fins to make any headway.” Wow, it even sounds like your ex, too.