Congratulations are in order for Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson and his former girlfriend, now fiancée, the singer Ciara (middle name Princess, last name Harris). The extremely religious football player proposed to Ciara Thursday night, and she said yes. This means — for all those watching along at home — that Ciara is finally gonna get that Russell D after a long, painstaking, unbelievably Christian wait.
Wilson, who is not only a brand evangelist for Jesus H. Christ but chooses Bing over Google, was caught recently tweeting and Instagramming photos of his beloved with poetic phrases pulled from searches for “describing a beautiful woman.” Was his proposal to Ciara something like, “Appealing, glamorous woman with hair like a blanket over her silky soft shoulders and teeth that eat nicely, would you do me a marriage?” We may never know. But let’s hope that the size of that diamond isn’t overcompensating for something else.