moms are just like us

The Chrissy Teigen Guide to Motherhood

Chrissy Teigen and John Legend with their daughter.
Chrissy Teigen and John Legend with their daughter.

Chrissy Teigen is fantastic at walking a very thin line. She’s a cool girl, the kind with a big appetite and a loud mouth, even though she’s also a model and super-gorgeous.

She’s outspoken everywhere, especially on Twitter, and she makes headlines very easily, as if it comes naturally to her to do so. She’ll tweet something hilarious or biting, and voilà! News. We eat it up not so much because it’s important but because it’s there, and it’s funny. And we probably like Teigen in particular because the “cool girl” thing doesn’t seem like an act. She’s actually just … a celebrity who’s cool. Wow, weird.

It’s almost certain, then, that Teigen didn’t walk into the mire of Mommy Talk blindly. She knew that speaking about motherhood could be a real shitshow, but she dove in head first. The neat thing about Chrissy, of course, isn’t simply that she says whatever she wants, it’s that, after saying it, when the inevitable barrage of criticisms follows, she dives back in and responds to her haters. It’s not always an advisable strategy, but Teigen’s skin is thick, her ability to multitask is apparently on point, and her attitude is, well, let’s just say it: empowering. Just kidding, we hate that word.

In the month or so since her daughter was born, Chrissy has been figuring out how to be a cool mom on social media, and she’s been doing it in front of the entire world. She’s not taking any shit from anyone, and her daughter will probably grow up better for it. Here’s the Chrissy Teigan Guide to Parenting, in nine tweets.

Here’s how a cool mom announces she is on the mend after the birth of her baby:

Here is how a cool mom keeps it real about the post-baby body:

This is how a cool mom reminds you, AGAIN, that her vagina hurts from delivering the baby:

Here’s how a cool mom tells judgy Instagram commenters to STFU after a night out without the baby:

[clears throat] “You were saying?”

Again, yes, she is not here for that.

Lately, Chrissy has been talking about breast-feeding a lot, probably because it takes up all of her time. She recently told Entertainment Tonight: “If you kind of do the math, you’re kind of breastfeeding for 10 hours a day total.” That’s correct! “It’s hard to work your entire day around getting her all the nourishment she needs because they are just little animals,” she went on, saying that breast-feeding makes her feel like “a cow.” Stars are just like us: They compare themselves to dairy-producing mammals!

And of course, no cool new mom’s bag of jokes is full without a couple of remarks about how little they go out.

She’s seriously got it all figured out.