Got dick pics? At this point, if you don’t have a formidable private collection, congratulations: You are basically living a fairy tale by today’s raunchy sexting standards. A study by security firm McAfee found that 49 percent of Americans have sexted. Dick-pic sprawl: It’s a thing.
To better understand the mind-set of why men Snapchat us these mini-masterpieces, we asked them.
“I personally am an advocate of the dick pic, because women who want them are usually a little extra cray-cray in the sack. Being told by a woman that she touches herself to a photograph of your uncircumcised schlong is a huge turn-on and lets you know they’re probably on the lower end of the self-esteem spectrum. Nothing more arousing than that. Any fella who says otherwise is totally lying!” — Jason, 24, salesman
“For me, dick pics are the ultimate sign of confidence. It’s important to let a girl know exactly how ready I would be in a situation where she would need me to be naked. When all the hints of my desperation have been sent verbally or in text, the logical next move is the dick pic. My move used to be done purely in person: Get half-erect, involve my dick into the conversation somehow, and then urge her to feel it, under the guise of it being almost scientific to do so. But the dick pic is like sending a résumé or even putting up a ‘now hiring’ sign. No more having to unsexualize my dick with a half chub and sweatpants to make her aware of what I’m packing, so thank god for my Droid.” — Ryan, 27, cook
“Dick pics in the straight world seem to offend at an alarming rate. In gay circles and/or networks and/or apps, not only is the dick pic a courtesy, many decide to skip the dick pic altogether and go for the asshole pic, a starfish selfie. Some dicks are deal-breakers while others seal the deal in a few seconds. A picture is worth a thousand words, and we are living in a world of Twitter-length messaging. Get to the point.” — Michael, 39, videographer
“If you’re going to sext with a lady and she shows you a nipple, you have no choice but to send a dick pic. You can’t send a nipple pic back or a ball shot, you gotta get your pecker ready for the spotlight. I like dick pics cause the camera makes your wang look bigger. Plain and simple. Take a few, narrow it down to the top three, and send away. Save the good ones to use later, you never know when you might have to send one out when your current dick state is not up to par.” — Mike, 25, waiter
“God bless the dick pic! My very close straight girlfriend regularly sends me the photos she receives from her conquests, so I reap the rewards too. She’s become a size queen over the years, so it’s a win-win for us. But it’s for that reason that I do not share photos of my junk. Call me old-school, but there’s still some charm left in letting someone have an extended glance in a bathroom urinal. I did, however, send out a picture of my peen in 2000 — the days of dial-up internet and AOL. I was 18 and wanted a critique of my package. This was snapped with an external webcam, remember those? It wasn’t a size issue, I’m fine with that, I just wanted someone’s opinion (this was before Snapchat, obvs). I sent it to two gay friends.” — Charlie, 33, writer
“Most of my recent relationships have been from online dating sites. Most initial interactions are by phone and text. If the conversation gets sexual, it feels natural at times to give the girl a visual of my arousal. I’ve never dick-bombed anyone. She always knows it’s coming, and half the time is the one requesting it.” — Anthony, 37, baker
“I send dick pics because — at the risk of sounding cocky (heh, heh) — I have a truly beautiful dick. In a world of tragic penises, I have a stun-gun of a phallus. Women who don’t even like me have slept with me and said, ‘You’re kind of an asshole … but damn that’s a nice dick.’ One time, a girlfriend I was living with applied for a bartending job. I knew the gay manager from another bar he worked at years before. I had his number and sent him a pic of my cock. My girlfriend got the job. My dick helped pay the rent.” — Kevin, 50, comedian
“There’s little explanation beyond this: I do it because I have to if I want sex. In the gay world, a dick pic is the equivalent of small talk, especially on any sort of sex app. There’s usually a hello, a few back-and-forths before showing your dick is the expected next step. At this point, dick pics aren’t exciting anymore. I don’t even try to take good ones myself because it just doesn’t matter — they’re more of a sign you’re breathing than any real barometer of whether a dude will have sex with you.” — Tanner, 32, marketing
“The first time I ever sent a dick pic was while texting with a very sexual girlfriend. Her first text to me was, ‘I’m horny.’ Well, that will get your attention. But having three more hours of work left there was nothing I could do right then to help her so we starting explicitly texting about what would be going down later on that night, until she said to send her a dick pic so she can masturbate. I was now horny as hell and happy to oblige since I was now walking around with a stiff erection. I think I sent about four pics at various angles. After that, whenever the mood struck I would send her a dick pic, and it would drive her crazy until I would get home. There have been a few girls who like it and others who don’t. I always feel out the situation to see if it will be well-received. If not, you’ll be jerking off alone. I think I’ll look up that old girlfriend.” — Jim, 51, mechanic
“With the wrong cinematography and lighting, the dick pic can be a colossal tragedy. As much as men assume that women will see a dick pic and immediately orgasm, it is yet another of our many failures. If unsolicited, it looks lame and desperate. If solicited, you had better resurrect Stanley Kubrick to shoot it to keep it from looking like a truck-stop memoir. Why do men send them? Because we’re horny. Dumb and horny.” — Rob, 46, software engineer