douche of the week

Aaron Rodgers’s Brother Is Our Bachelorette Douche of the Week

Welcome to Douche of the Week, where tortured Bachelorette viewers Anna Silman and Allie Jones take turns awarding male contestants on the show the honor of … Douche of the Week. 

It has been clear from day one that Jordan Rodgers, brother of football player Aaron Rodgers, is probably a douche. But last night was the first time we got a chance to sample Jordan’s distinctive douchey aroma without any Chad-flavored distractions. Here’s why I think Jordan is here for — cue music! — ALL THE WRONG REASONS:

1. His hair is clearly full of secrets.

2. Country singer James Taylor reveals that Jordan acted “entitled” at an off-camera poker game (mysterious!), and also that he is probably just on the show because he wants to be famous. Country singer James Taylor is a sweet angel who is incapable of lies. As he said of himself: “There’s guys here who make more money, there’s guys here who are better looking, there’s guys who are probably smarter.” Ipso facto, Jordan is probably a douche.

4. Nothing he says is convincing or believable in any way. “I want to be in love and engaged at the end of this, and I think we can get there,” he tells JoJo in an attempt to reassure her, while sweating and struggling to make eye contact. “I think I look at you and I see the person that I want to fall in love with, that I am falling in love with, that at the end of this I wanna do life with.”

JoJo, do not “do life” with this man. It’s a trap.

Honorary mention: The producers who spliced footage of Derek crying in the back of a limo with a performance of “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.”

Bachelorette Douche: Aaron Rodgers’s Brother