On Tuesday, DJ Calvin Harris (née Adam Richard Wiles) took to Instagram to wish his manager Mark Gillespie a happy birthday the best way he knew how: via dick pic. The 32-year-old DJ (lol) posted a photo of himself and Gillespie; in it, Gillespie is fully clothed while Harris stands next to him clad only in white boxer briefs, like they’re in some kind of goddang Manet painting.
Meanwhile, halfway across the world, Taylor Swift sits petting Meredith, idly scrolling through her newsfeed. She catches sight of the photo. Her eyes narrow. She throws Meredith to the floor.
“Thomas, get ready,” she shouts. “We’re going kissing.”