If you’ve been wondering when Lifetime’s fictional UnREAL and the actual Bachelor franchise it’s based on would become the same show, that time is nigh. On the penultimate episode of this season of UnREAL, we watched scorned producer Rachel poison a contestant with tainted sushi so she’d crap all over her white dress on national TV. Yesterday, actual person Chad Johnson, troll of The Bachelorette and possibly pitiable exile from Bachelor in Paradise, told TMZ that he did not shit his pants while drunk and passed out on the beach as a crab crawled in his hair — even though the show made amply sure that we thought he had.
Ambushed apparently while leaving a gym, Chad blamed his exit from BIP on drinking “way too much,” and everyone else who wasn’t him. He also told the intrepid reporter that “they made it look like I shit my pants,” at which point the reporter made sure to confirm: “So you didn’t shit your pants?” “No, I didn’t shit my pants!” Chad said, explaining that the shot where he sniffs his swim shorts was because he had two identical pairs and was trying to figure out which ones he wore. Which would mean that, despite appearances, he actually did shower after maybe shitting or not shitting his pants — because otherwise he never would have had to figure out which pair of swim trunks he was wearing. It’s all very confusing.
To add to the confusion was E! Online’s interview with Bachelor in Paradise cast members Nick Viall and Sarah Herron, the franchise’s version of upstanding citizens, in which they said Chad’s behavior was “worse” than what aired, and Nick officially confirmed that the pants-shitting, “It absolutely happened. You literally can’t make this stuff up.” He later added, “You know when you walk into a room and you can almost taste it?” Chad apologized to Sarah — who’d ultimately led the charge to get him kicked off the show, and whom he’d called a “one-armed bitch” — on social media, but she’s not feeling it: “[I don’t believe it], not for a second,” she said. “I think he apologized on social media because it gets him attention. But I haven’t heard an ‘I’m sorry’ from him directly, so I don’t buy it.”
I’m inclined to believe Sarah, who’s the paragon on integrity, and Nick, an over-sharer who has trouble NOT sharing the truth. Did Chad crap or not crap? That is the question. Weigh in in the comments. The conspiracy grows!